Monday, December 6, 2021

Holly Jolly Holiday Tour & Review: The Christmas Escape by Sarah Morgan

 

The Christmas Escape by Sarah Morgan
Publication Date: October 26th 2021 by HQN
Pages: 352
Source: Publisher
Rating: 

My Thoughts:
Christy has the life she dreamed of: married with a child living in a charming cottage in the English Countryside, but somehow things aren’t right. Her husband, Seb, has been spending more and more time away on business, and the cottage she found delightful is falling apart around her. Christy was raised in to embrace order and schedules, never feeling comfortable to rock the boat or confront problems and that’s worked for her until now. Christy knows she needs to face facts and find out if her marriage is in trouble and maybe life in the country isn’t all she thought it would be. However, she doesn’t feel comfortable discussing her doubts with her best friend, Alix, since she was against marrying Christy marrying Seb in the first place. Christy hopes their upcoming trip her estranged Aunt Robyn’s Swedish retreat will provide some downtime to get everything sorted out.

Alix was raised by career minded parents, careless and neglectful, so that she never felt loved by them. She didn’t know what it felt to be in a loving family until she met Christy and was taken in as a sister and daughter. Alix loves Christy and wants the best for her which is why she spoke up at the wedding, and even though Christy says all is forgiven, things haven’t quite been the same since. However, their lifelong dream of spending Christmas at Lapland should allow them to mend fences. Nevermind Seb’s best friend Zac, Alix’s nemesis being thrown into the mix!

The Christmas Escape was magical! The descriptions, even of the rundown country cottage sounded so lovely! Spending Christmas in the Swedish retreat north of the Artic Circle where the Northern Lights sweep by regularly, ensconced in rustic cabins that invite nature in with large windows and natural materials throughout sounded dreamy!

As enchanting and perfect as the setting sounded, the story of Christy, Alix and Robyn was the main attraction for me. Each of these women had their own struggles, Christy and Alix were more at the forefront, but Robyn’s story was just as poignant and touching. There’s romance and laughs, the joy of reaffirming love, coming to grips with the past, grabbing up happiness for the future and holding family and friends close. I loved every minute of this emotional and heartwarming story! Five stars all the way!

5 Stars


Book Summary:

This Christmas, be whisked away by USA Today bestselling author Sarah Morgan in this uplifting novel of friendship, the festive season, and risking everything for the biggest gift of all...

Christy and Alix are forever-friends. Not even Alix's well-meant but badly-timed intervention the night before Christy's wedding has put a dent in their bond. There’s nothing Alix won’t do for the woman who helped fill the hole in her heart left by her own family's rejection. But taking Christy’s boisterous little daughter Holly on holiday to Lapland, days before Christmas, is a huge ask. Marketing whizz Alix might know how to turn toys into million-dollar Christmas bestsellers, but the responsibility of parenthood terrifies her. And unfortunately, she’ll have a witness to her ineptitude, in the annoyingly delicious shape of Zac, Holly’s father’s best friend, who will also be there...


Excerpt:

Robyn

She hadn’t dared hope that this might happen.

Someone less cynical might have thought of it as a Christmas miracle, but Robyn no longer believed in miracles. She was terrified, but layered under the terror was a seam of something else. Hope. The kaleidoscope of emotions inside her matched the swirl and shimmer of color in the sky. Here in Swedish Lapland, north of the Arctic Circle, the unpolluted skies and clear winter nights made for frequent sightings of the northern lights.

She heard the door open behind her, heard the soft crunch of footsteps on deep snow and then felt Erik’s arms slide around her.

“Come inside. It’s cold.”

“One more minute. I need to think…” She’d always done her best thinking here, in this wild land where nature dominated, where a human felt insignificant beneath the expanse of pink-tinted sky. Everything she’d ever done that was foolish, selfish, risky or embarrassing shrank in importance because this place didn’t care.

Trees bowed under the weight of new snow, the surface glistening with delicate threads of silver and blue. The cold numbed her cheeks and froze her eyelashes, but she noticed only the beauty. Her instinct was to reach for her camera, even though she already had multiple images of the same scene.

She’d come here to escape from everything she was and everything she’d done and had fallen in love with the place and the man. It turned out that you could reinvent yourself if you moved far enough away from everyone who knew you.

Erik pulled the hood of her down jacket farther over her head. “If you’re thinking of the past, then don’t.”

How could she not?

Robyn the rebel.

Her old self felt unfamiliar now. It was like looking at an old photo and not recognizing yourself. Who was that woman?

“I can’t believe she’s coming here. She was three years old when I last saw her.”

Her niece. Her sister’s child.

She remembered a small, smiling cherub with rosy cheeks and curly blond hair. She remembered innocence and acceptance and the fleeting hope of a fresh start, before Robyn had ruined it, the way she’d ruined everything back then.

Her sister had forbidden her to ever make contact again. There had been no room for Robyn in her sister’s perfect little family unit. Even now, many years later, remembering that last encounter still made her feel shaky and sick. She tried to imagine the child as a woman. Was she like her mother? Whenever Robyn thought about her sister, her feelings became confused.

Love. Hate. Envy. Irritation. She hadn’t known it was possible to feel every possible emotion within a single relationship. Elizabeth had been the golden girl. The perfect princess and, for a little while at least, her best friend in the world.

Time had eased the pain from agony to ache.

All links had been broken, until that email had arrived.

“Why did she get in touch now, after so long? She’s thirty. Grown.”

Part of her wanted to celebrate, but life had taught her to be cautious, and she knew this wasn’t a simple reunion. What if her niece was looking for answers? And what if she didn’t like what she heard?

Was this a second chance, or another emotional car crash?

“You can ask her. Face-to-face,” Erik said, “but I know you’re nervous.”

“Yes.” She had no secrets from him, although it had taken her a while to reach the point where she’d trusted their relationship not to snap. “She’s a stranger. The only living member of my family.”

Her sister was gone, killed instantly two years earlier while crossing the road. There was no fixing the past now. That door was closed.

Erik tightened his hold on her. “Your niece has a daughter, remember? That’s two family members. Three if you count her husband.”

Family. She’d had to learn to live without it.

She’d stayed away, as ordered. Made no contact. Rebuilt her life. Redesigned herself. Buried the past and traveled as far from her old life as she could. In the city she’d often felt trapped. Suffocated by the past. Here, in this snowy wilderness with nature on her doorstep, she felt free.

And then the past had landed in her in-box.

I’m Christy, your niece.

“Was it a mistake to ask her here?” It was the first time she’d invited the past into the present. “Apart from the fact we don’t know each other, do you think she’ll like this place?” For her it had been love at first sight. The stillness. The swirl of blue-green color in the sky, and the soft light that washed across the landscape at this time of year. As a photographer, the light was an endless source of fascination and inspiration. There were shades and tones she’d never seen anywhere else in the world. Midnight blue and bright jade. Icy pink and warm rose.

Some said the life up here was harsh and hard, but Robyn had known hard, and this wasn’t it. Cold wasn’t only a measure of temperature, it was a feeling. And she’d been cold. The kind of cold that froze you inside and couldn’t be fixed with thermal layers and a down jacket.

And then there was warmth, of the kind she felt now with Erik.

“Christmas in Lapland?” He sounded amused. “How can she not like it? Particularly as she has a child. Where else can she play in the snow, feed reindeer and ride on a sled through the forest?”

Robyn gazed at the trees. It was true that this was paradise for a Christmas-loving child, although that wasn’t the focus of the business. She had little experience with children and had never felt the desire to have her own. Her family was Erik. The dogs. The forest. The skies. This brilliant, brutal wilderness that felt more like home than any place she’d lived.

The main lodge had been handed down through generations of Erik’s family, but he’d expanded it to appeal to the upper end of the market. Their guests were usually discerning

travelers seeking to escape. Adventurous types who appreciated luxury but were undaunted by the prospect of heading into the frozen forest or exploring the landscape on skis or snowshoes. Erik offered his services as a guide when needed, and she, as a photographer, was on hand to coach people through the intricacies of capturing the aurora on camera. You couldn’t predict it, so she’d learned patience. She’d learned to wait until nature gave her what she was hoping for.

Through the snowy branches she could see the soft glow of lights from two of their cabins, nestled in the forest. They were five in total, each named after Arctic wildlife. Wolf, Reindeer, Elk, Lynx and Bear. Each cozy cabin had floor-to-ceiling windows that offered a breathtaking view of the forest and the sky. The Snow Spa had been her idea and proved a popular addition. The focus here was wellness, with an emphasis on the nature that surrounded them. She and her small team used local resources whenever they could. Guests were encouraged to leave phones and watches behind.

Erik was right. It was the perfect escape. The question she should have asked wasn’t Will she like it here? but Will she like me?

She felt a moment of panic. “The last time I saw Christy—well, it wasn’t good.” The kitten incident. The memory of that visit was carved into her soul. Despite all her good intentions, it had gone badly wrong. “What age do children start remembering? Will she remember what happened?” She hoped not. Even now, so many years later, she could still remember the last words her sister had spoken to her.

You ruin everything. I don’t want you in my life.

Robyn pressed closer to Erik and felt his arms tighten.

“It was a long time ago, Robyn. Ancient history.”

“But people don’t forget history, do they?” What had her sister told her daughter?

Robyn the rebel.

She wondered what her sister would say if she could see her now. Happy. Married to a man she loved. Living in one place. Earning a good living, although no doubt Elizabeth would see it as unconventional.

Christy, it seemed, was happily married and living an idyllic life in the country, as her mother had before her.

What would Elizabeth say if she knew her daughter was coming to visit?

Robyn gave a shiver and turned back toward the lodge.

Elizabeth wouldn’t have been happy, and if she could have stopped it, she would have done so. She wouldn’t have wanted her sister to contaminate her daughter’s perfect life.

 

Excerpted from The Christmas Escape by Sarah Morgan. Copyright © 2021 by Sarah Morgan. Published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

 



Author Bio:
USA Today bestselling author Sarah Morgan writes contemporary romance and women's fiction. Her trademark humour and warmth have gained her fans across the globe and three RITA® Awards from the Romance Writers of America. Sarah lives with her family near London, England, where the rain frequently keeps her trapped in her office

 

 


Sunday, December 5, 2021

Sunday Post #146

 

The Sunday Post is hosted by Kimberly @ Caffeinated reviewer book blog, and is a post to recap my bookish and non-bookish things from the last week.

This last week was another busy one, and I hope this week isn't as bad, but I'm on call Monday after I leave until the next day when I go in. Not pleased about that, but poor management left the department short staffed. It's getting easier and easier to think about working somewhere else, which will happen when I move up north. Thank goodness my manager isn't in our department more than an hour every day. We had a buffer between us and her until five years ago so we didn't realize what kind of person she was until after that. So many things to say about that. Let me tell you it wasn't easy going through Covid while working at a hospital when your manager is/was a fan of Trump. My co-worker and I had to fight for so many things in the beginning, like PPE. Now that's not such an issue, but her personality is an aggressive, often unpleasant one. 

 I got my booster shot after work on Thursday. Didn't start feeling bad until Friday afternoon. I had body aches and chills, but still not as bad as the second dose. Felt okay enough to go on a 3 mile walk yesterday (Saturday) even if I still wasn't at 100%, and I'm happy I got out in the fresh air with the hubby.
 

Read:
Click on covers for Goodreads link:


I'm trying to complete my Audio Book Challenge (100 books) so I've been listening to novellas and short stories. Loved Secrets at Midnight, and If the Fates Allow and Oh.What.Fun were entertaining and fun short listens. Dream Keeper and An Unexpected Distraction were wins for me, too! 

Received/Purchased/Library Lend:



I was offered an audio copy of Dark Horse, which is book 7 of the Orphan X series. I was planning on starting this series at some point, I even bought the audio of the first book. Now I have until February to read all six books first, as it seems best to read the series in order! Love the Atlee Pine series so I was happy to get the latest, Mercy, even if it is after the publication date. I'll probably buy an audio copy as well. CJ Carmichael is a new to me author, but I know Sophia Rose enjoys her books and these were two novella length audios included in my Audible membership so yay! Anne @Books of My Heart recently reviewed the latest of The Alaskan Wild Mysteries, so I borrowed an audio of Thin Ice, the first in the series. 

Instagram:

I'm giving away my ARC copy of An Unexpected Distraction HERE. This is such a great series if you enjoy Romantic Suspense and it's available on Kindle Unlimited. 




How was your week?




Friday, December 3, 2021

Review & Giveaway: An Unexpected Distraction by Catherine Bybee

 

Dream Keeper (Richter #3) by Catherine Bybee
Publication Date: November 30th 2021 by Montlake Romance
Pages: 347
Source: Publicist
Rating: 

My Thoughts:
Jax, one of the operatives of Mac Bain Security, travels back home after her brother’s panicked phone call. He won’t say much, but Jax quickly discovers all is not right with her parents and they’re headed for divorce.  It soon becomes apparent that the divorce and the reason they sent Jax to the military boarding school, Richter, are intertwined. With rumors swirling that Richter may be going back to their nefarious ways, training the students to be deadly agents/assassins, the whole team gets involved with Jax’s investigation into her family’s past.

After a fun action packed start the story shifted and was very much focused on Jax and her family relationships, and the budding romance between her and Andrew. The trouble between Jax’s parents brings her relationship with them into focus and at first, I was really miffed at them. They shipped Jax off to a boarding school and didn’t really take an interest in her. The reasons behind that were revealed. I was pleased with changes between Jax and her mother. Her father was another story.

As more information is uncovered it’s decided a team must travel to Richter and see if they can ferret out information and see if the school is tuning back to their old ways. Jax and Andrew have the perfect cover: a couple in love. Not hard to pass off when the two are really falling for each other. Even though their relationship is new, it’s the kind you just know is right. Their time in Germany was playful, passionate, and steamy! I just loved it!

I’ve enjoyed all three books of the Richter series, a spinoff to Catherine Bybee’s First Wives series, mainly the last book, Say It Again. I think in a pinch you could read An Unexpected Distraction as a standalone, but you’d miss out on the previous romances and the history of Richter and how it played a part in this close-knit group of operatives. All three books are available through Kindle Unlimited as “read and listen for free” if you belong to that program.

An Unexpected Distraction was easy to get into and hard to put down! I stayed up late to finish as all hell was breaking loose and I had to see how it all turned out! While Jax and Andrew’s story wraps up, the ending made it imperative we get more! I look forward to the next one!

4 Stars


Book Description:

Family secrets and fresh romance collide in this heart-pounding Richter series installment by New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Catherine Bybee.

Jacqueline “Jax” Simon knows how to expose secrets: she’s a skilled operative with MacBain Security and Solutions. When Jax hears her parents are divorcing, she races to London to find out why. She’s determined to learn the truth, especially when her investigation uncovers why her parents sent her to Richter, the German military school that made her a fighter.

Andrew Craig collects Jax at Heathrow Airport as a favor. He’s heard she’s a handful, but he didn’t know she’s dangerously gorgeous too. His instant attraction could change his life…or end it.

Jax doesn’t want to fall for Andrew, but soon he’s worming his way into her life. Together, they infiltrate Richter to discover if it has returned to its covert purpose: training children to be spies and assassins and blackmailing parents to look the other way. As the attraction between the two intensifies, so do the secrets exploding all around them. How deadly are those secrets—and who will survive?


About the Author:
Catherine is a #1 Wall Street Journal, Amazon, and Indie Reader bestselling author. In addition, her books have also graced The New York Times and USA Today bestsellers lists. In total she has written thirty-six beloved books that have collectively sold more than 10 million copies and have been translated into more than twenty languages. Raised in Washington State, Bybee moved to Southern California in the hope of becoming a movie star. After growing bored with waiting tables, she returned to school and became a registered nurse, spending most of her career in urban emergency rooms. She now writes full time and has penned the Not Quite series, The Weekday Brides series, the Most Likely To series, and the First Wives series. Learn more about Catherine and her books at https://catherinebybee.com/


A Paperback ARC Copy of An Expected Distraction by Catherine Bybee was provided and I'm giving it away to one lucky reader! The giveaway is open to US Residents only. Fill out the rafflecopter for a chance to win. Good luck!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thursday, December 2, 2021

Giveaway! Holiday Short Story Collection Blog Tour

 I'm excited to be participating in the Holiday Short Story Collection Blog Tour sponsored by Montlake Romance! They've provided excerpts as well as a $50 Amazon Gift Card (scroll down to the bottom to enter the rafflecopter) to celebrate the release of these fun short stories! If you're looking for a smile, a laugh and some holiday cheer and only have a short amount of time these are perfect! Bonus, they're "read and listen for free" if you have Kindle Unlimited!




This was a cute story and was so relatable as it's set in the middle of the pandemic! I've felt a lot of the feelings expressed, but at the center of all this is a sweet romance that I really enjoyed! 

After a long, lonely year, two people stumble toward each other in If the Fates Allow a holiday short story by Rainbow Rowell the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Eleanor & Park and Fangirl.

 
Reagan crept to the side to get a closer look. It looked like the deer had managed to snag its foot between two crossbars and a small tree that was growing right next to the fence.
                                                           
Mason was still inching toward it, with his hands out.
 
“What are you doing?” Reagan asked again.
 
“I’m going to help it get free.”
 
“It’ll get itself free.”
                                                           
“I don’t think it will. It’s wedged pretty good.”
 
The deer broke into frantic movement, struggling against the fence. “It’s going to injure itself,” Mason said.
 
“It’s going to injure you.”
 
This wasn’t a fawn or a hungry little doe; the deer was as long as Reagan was tall—it must have weighed two hundred pounds.
           
“Shhhh,” Mason was saying. Maybe to the deer, maybe to Reagan. He was crouching behind it, which seemed like the dumbest decision in the world.
                                                           
Mason,” Reagan whispered.
                                                           
“It’s all right,” he said, reaching for the trapped hoof. “Her other legs are on the other side of the fence.”
                                                           
“I think that’s a buck.”
 
“She’s not a buck, look at her head.”
 
The deer struggled again. Mason froze. Reagan took another anxious step toward them.
 
When the deer stilled, Mason shot forward. He bent the tree back and grabbed the trapped hoof, lifting it free.
 
The deer pulled the leg forward—and in the same motion, kicked its other hind leg through the fence, catching Mason in the chest.
 
“Oof,” he said, falling backward.
 
The deer ran away, and Reagan ran to Mason. “Jesus Christ!” she shouted. “I told you!”
 
Mason was lying on his back in the snow. Reagan went down on her knees beside him. “Are you okay?” she asked, touching his arm.
                                                           
His eyes were wide. “I’m fine,” he said. “Just surprised. Is she okay?”
 
“The deer?”
 
He nodded.
 
“She’s fine,” Reagan said. “She’ll live to spread ticks and disease, and destroy crops. Where’d she get you?”
 
He pointed to his shoulder.
 
“Can you move it?”
 
He rotated his shoulder. He was broader than he looked from a distance. Broad even under his coat. His neck was thick, and one of his ears was partly inverted, probably from an old injury. He had snow in his ears and his hair. His hair was much darker than Reagan’s, almost black.
                                                           
“Did you hit your head?” she asked.      
 
“No. I think I’m okay.”
 
“That was so stupid, Mason—that could have been your face.”
 
“I think I’m okay,” he repeated. He lifted his head up out of the snow and pushed up onto his elbows.
 
Reagan moved away from him.
 
He stood up, so she stood up, too.
 
“That could have been your neck,” she said. “That was so stupid.”
                                                           
“Okay,” he said, nodding. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
 
Reagan’s heart was still pounding. Mason looked worried. There was snow on his glasses, and his mask had fallen below his nose. He was holding her arm. “I’m sorry, okay? Are you hurt?”
                                                           
“No,” Reagan said. “I’m just . . .”
                                                           
Mason was holding her arm. He was standing right next to her.
                                                           
Reagan made a fist in the suede collar of his coat and pulled herself closer to him.                      
                                                           
His head dipped forward, more fiercely than she was expecting, to kiss her.
 


From Suzanne Redfearn, the bestselling author of In an Instant, comes a heartfelt short story about one couple’s journey to discover if there really is a secret ingredient to happily ever after before their upcoming holiday wedding in The Marriage Test.
 
The server appears. “Something to drink with dinner?”
 
“Do you have a white burgundy?” I ask, feeling like something bright to match my mood.
 
The server points to the French section of the wine list.
 
“Oh,” I say, as the list is limited and pricey. “I only want a glass. I’ll just take a—”
 
“A bottle of the finest white burgundy you have,” Justin interrupts.
 
“Justin—”
                                                           
He waves me off.
 
The server leaves, and I lean in to kiss him. “I love you.”
 
“For ordering a bottle of wine?”
 
“For ordering a bottle of wine to make me happy.”
 
I sit back again, and he returns his hand to my knee. “Good evening.”
 
I look up, and my breath catches. Standing a foot from our table is Annabelle Winters, my chef idol since college. She’s five feet tall with narrow shoulders and wide hips. Curls of wild black hair escape her white cap, flour dusts her black chef coat, and in her hands is a cutting board with a round loaf of bread.
                                                           
“I understand tonight is a special occasion,” she says, a Mediterranean accent rounding the words. I tilt my head as Justin nods. “In my home country, we have a tradition: remarkable moments are celebrated by the breaking of bread. So, I made this loaf specially for you.” She sets the board on the table, wisps of steam spiraling from the golden, flaky crust. “This is pogača, the bread of my childhood and a symbol of love.”
                                                           
With a small bow, she pivots away.
                                                           
“That . . .that was . . .I can’t believe it . . .that was Annabelle Winters.”
                                                           
Justin smiles wide, a proud grin that crinkles his cheeks. “You told her it was a special occasion?”
 
“It is,” he says. “We are together.”
 
I look at the loaf. “Wow. Pogača. My grandmother told me about this bread. It doesn’t use eggs or milk, and it’s cooked on a hearth over an open fire.”
                                                           
“It’s still warm,” he says. “It must have just come out of the oven.”
                                                           
I lift it to my face and inhale deeply, warm yeast and flour filling my nose. “Mmmm.” I hold it toward him.
                                                           
He takes a breath, then leans back and nods. “Well, go on . . . break bread.”
                                                           
Grinning like a kid at Christmas, I grip the edges and start to twist.
                                                           
“Wait!” Justin yelps, stopping me, the loaf suspended.
                                                           
He falls from his chair to the deck, my leg flopping from his lap along with his napkin.
                                                           
I giggle. “What are you doing?”
                                                           
“Okay,” he says, now kneeling on one knee. “Keep going.”
 
The people at the table behind us have stopped what they were doing and are now looking at us, and I notice Annabelle Winters beside the entrance watching as well. I look at the bread, then at Justin, then back again, and blood rushes to my face as I realize what is happening.
                                                           
“Really?” I say.
 
He nods toward the bread.
 
Cheeks spread wide, I tear it in two, sending gold crumbs raining onto the tablecloth.
Poking from the steaming center is the corner of a stainless-steel cylinder.
 
I dig my fingers in to pry it loose and set it on the palm of my hand. An inch and a half tall and two inches in diameter, it’s engraved on top with two doves surrounded by a ring of leaves.
                                        
The woman behind us shifts for a better view.
Heart pounding, I prize off the lid. Sitting on a bed of white satin is a stunning sapphire ring, the center stone blue as the deepest ocean, a single diamond baguette on either side.
                                                    
“Ava Nicole Barnes,” Justin says, his voice elevated for the audience, “keeper of my heart, guardian of my soul, and woman of my dreams, will you make me the happiest man on this earth and do me the great honor of becoming my wife?”
 



Not happy? No problem. Fake it. From New York Times bestselling author J. Courtney Sullivan comes the sharp witted short story, Model Home, about the reality of reality TV.
 
On the ninth take, things get heated between the husband, Todd, and his wife, Noreen.
                                                           
He complains that this house only has three bedrooms, leaving no possibility for the man cave he was promised he’d get if they gave up their downtown Milwaukee loft for the suburbs. She seems flabbergasted that he can’t see the advantage of sacrificing that space for what is by far the biggest backyard of the three houses they’ve looked at.
                                                           
Todd says in a tone that manages to sound both jokey and hostile, “If we buy this house, you can’t complain when I play my electric guitar in the living room. Have you thought of that?”
                                                           
Noreen replies, “I’m only ever thinking of Colby and Mason.”
                                                           
If you ask me, they both deserve an Oscar. The tension is palpable, even though everyone present knows they already bought this house seven months ago.
                                                           
House Number One belongs to Todd’s cousin. It isn’t for sale. House Number Two is soon to be listed. The owner was happy to provide access, since being featured on our show, even as a reject, will sell the place in a minute.
                                                           
I, the wise referee/realtor/designer, smile and say for what feels like the one trillionth time in my life, “Sounds like you two have a lot to discuss. Babe, let’s leave them to it.”
                                                           
I wonder briefly if I’ll ever get to say these words again on camera, but I have to put the thought from my head.
                                                           
I never call Damian babe in real life. Especially not now, but even back when I could stand him.
 
He doesn’t meet my eye. He’s staring into space, going out of his way to look disinterested. No one notices but me. Lately I think of my husband as a disappointment turducken: a lack of ambition wrapped in a beer gut wrapped in a statement tee designed for a much fitter man.
 


This was a funny story, although as a mom I wanted to smack all the characters upside the head for taking their mom for granted! I hope they learned their lesson!

Everyone is home for the holidays, clamoring for all the Christmas cheer only their mother can whip up. They can already smell the chestnuts roasting—or is that Mom’s hair on fire? From New York Times bestselling author Chandler Baker comes the laugh-out-loud short story, Oh. What. Fun.
 
During normal times, Mom loves to spend most of her day on the phone with one of us or the other. As soon as she hangs up with Channing, she’ll call Sammy; as soon as she’s done with Sammy, Tyler will call; and then she starts the whole process again. Not that we’d ever say this out loud, but we’re in the thick of our lives, so we’re busy with dating and kids and friends getting married and pregnant and such, and, well, Mom’s stories are kind of dull. Though obviously, in retrospect, this is an instance when we should have paid better attention.
                                                           
Unlike Mom, Channing never complains about anything and so she didn’t make a big deal of it when Mom, again, forty-five minutes after the agreed-upon time, took over the kids, leading them on a special explorer hunt to find Canelo the Elf.
                                                           
Mom is wild about that Elf on the Shelf. Canelo joined us three Christmases ago. The twins are in a Spanish- immersion program, hence the name, and Channing and Doug explained to us that if Canelo started the month of December at their house, he’d need to travel for the time spent at Grandpa and Grandma’s. It only made sense. So the trick is there are actually two Canelos. Mom bought a body double so Channing could leave hers safely at home. Canelo’s antics are one of those things we all tease her about: Somebody has too much time on her hands. But the truth is, we do kind of get a kick out of him.
                                                           
Mom keeps the Elf ’s next move top secret from everyone, even Dad. Last year, Canelo relaxed in a Crockpot Jacuzzi filled with marshmallows; then he stole all of our toilet paper to build snowmen and rode a zip line down the stairs. This year was off to an impressive start as the twins took binoculars and donned safari hats to track down Canelo, who was wearing camouflage in one of the old oak trees. But we guess we’ll never know what else Canelo had in store, because Canelo hasn’t moved in two days. His painted, unblinking eyes stare at us from his perch, and none of us have been able to work out yet how it is we should explain this to the twins.
                                                           
We think at some point during the Canelo expedition Sammy pulled up and plopped down on the couch, probably with his shoes still on, and started messing around on his phone. Every group of siblings has a “one,” and Sammy, for us, is the Boring One, mainly because he’s twenty-five and always on his phone. Also he just broke up with his girlfriend (see: always on phone), and yet when we tasked him with one very simple to-do—break into Mom’s phone—well all the sudden he apparently “didn’t know anything about phones.”
                                                           
Sammy didn’t see anything or hear anything or smell anything unusual, but as we’ve already pointed out, this can’t be taken as gospel since he was preoccupied texting back and forth with his ex.
 
Sammy
do you know what kind of laundry detergent you used to use on our clothes? Bc mine smell all weird now.
                                                                       
Mae-Bell                                              
It’s the fabric softener. Downy infusions. Scent: Romantic.                                                          
 
Later, we passed around the conversation to weigh in by committee on whether she meant anything by it. We even consulted the Downy website while Mom handed out homemade eggnog because none of us care for the store bought, and there we learned that the Romantic scent carries “sensual aromas of delicate floral, white tea, and peony,” and at least half of us found it difficult to overlook a smoking gun like “sensual” right there as the subtext.
 
After dinner, Mom asked Channing if she’d mind watching the twins for a few minutes while she cleaned the kitchen, and we all took bets on whether Sammy and Mae-Bell would be back together by spring. The holidays can be hard on people, you know. Everyone except for Mom anyway, who just loves an excuse to corral us all together under one roof. Nothing makes her more upset than a year when she has to share Channing and the twins with Doug’s family. This year, Doug’s family was indisposed because they were up in Vermont visiting Doug’s aunt, but they probably could have been in the ICU and Mom would have been just as happy as long as the result was having Channing and the girls all to herself. Not to be alarmist, but of all the years to up and vanish, you just wouldn’t expect it to be one where Channing was set to be home the whole time.
 



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